Jan. 18th, 2009
Thank you for the gift, party, dinner, or other gesture that required significantly more consideration than this ecard.
Jul. 28th, 2010
Please accept this heartfelt non-handwritten note of thanks for your support in my time of need.
Aug. 13th, 2007
Thanks for being my bitch.
Jun. 16th, 2009
Thanks for climaxing quietly when we visit family.
Feb. 17th, 2008
Thanks for always holding my hair back when I vomit.
Sep. 15th, 2007
Thanks for the awkward embrace.
Dec. 30th, 2008
Thanks for actually having a funny story to tell me when you say you have a funny story to tell me.
Sep. 30th, 2007
Thanks for receiving or entertaining guests in a social or official capacity.
Aug. 25th, 2007
Thanks for always staying faithful to me to my knowledge.
Jun. 23rd, 2010
Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of your Facebook page.
Sep. 10th, 2009
Thanks for always waiting until the end of my presentations to tell me I'm full of shit.
Jun. 16th, 2007
Thanks for being a job reference despite what you know.
Sep. 15th, 2010
Thanks for supporting every decision you've ever made for me.
Apr. 26th, 2007
Thanks for not judging my eating disorder.
Jul. 16th, 2008
Thanks for rarely mentioning my hideous pit stains.
Nov. 7th, 2007
Thanks for occasionally looking above my neckline.
Dec. 19th, 2008
Thanks for finally clarifying for me what type of build a woman would have if she selected "stocky" in her online dating profile.
Apr. 25th, 2009
Thanks for having a friend desperate enough to have sex with me.
May. 25th, 2009
Thank you for your service to our country even though it means you can't be here to service me.
Dec. 20th, 2008
Thanks for giving me a name that no one can spell or pronounce just to satisfy your own ego.