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    Thank you for the gift, party, dinner, or other gesture that required significantly more consideration than this ecard

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    Please accept this heartfelt non-handwritten note of thanks for your support in my time of need

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    Thanks for feigning surprise upon hearing my age

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    Thanks for not objecting to my marriage

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    Thanks for being my bitch

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    Thanks for making me feel better about my own problems

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    Thanks for thinking of me after eight shots, nine beers, and a half-gram of coke

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    Thanks for occasionally looking above my neckline

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    Thanks for never telling me about experimenting with dudes if you ever did

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    Thanks for the awkward embrace

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    Thanks for offering to help me move after you knew I hired movers

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    Thanks for always pulling my finger

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    Thanks for taking one hand off your BlackBerry to finger-bang me

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    Thanks for telling me about that multi-purpose, four-speed, high-powered vibrator with "pearls"

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    Thanks for being a job reference despite what you know

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    Thanks for texting me how you feel

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    Thanks for understanding it was just a formality when I asked if you needed anything

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    Thanks for trying to behave like a human being

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    Thanks for always waiting until the end of my presentations to tell me I'm full of shit

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    Thanks for keeping your germ-infested hands away from my shit

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