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  •  

    Thanks for eating our food and drinking our booze.

    Thanks for eating our food and drinking our booze

  •  

    Thanks for agreeing to incinerate my corpse in an industrial furnace.

    Thanks for agreeing to incinerate my corpse in an industrial furnace

  •  

    Thanks for unwittingly taking the blame.

    Thanks for unwittingly taking the blame

  •  

    Thanks for thinking of me after eight shots, nine beers, and a half-gram of coke.

    Thanks for thinking of me after eight shots, nine beers, and a half-gram of coke

  •  

    Thanks for tipping me off to Netflix seven years after I started using it.

    Thanks for tipping me off to Netflix seven years after I started using it

  •  

    Thanks for walking us through your long-term plans to methodically overcharge the hell out of us.

    Thanks for walking us through your long-term plans to methodically overcharge the hell out of us

  •  

    You made my day by not making me listen to how bad yours is going.

    You made my day by not making me listen to how bad yours is going.

  •  

    Thanks for the retweet.

    Thanks for the retweet

  •  

    Thanks for not procreating.

    Thanks for not procreating

  •  

    Thanks for not judging my eating disorder.

    Thanks for not judging my eating disorder

  •  

    Thanks for honoring my desire to ejaculate on your bosom.

    Thanks for honoring my desire to ejaculate on your bosom

  •  

    Thanks for tagging me in a Facebook photo that I immediately untagged because I didn't look amazing.

    Thanks for tagging me in a Facebook photo that I immediately untagged because I didn't look amazing

  •  

    Thanks for the unqualified medical advice.

    Thanks for the unqualified medical advice

  •  

    Thanks for texting me how you feel.

    Thanks for texting me how you feel

  •  

    Thank you for inviting me to an event centered around giving you gifts.

    Thank you for inviting me to an event centered around giving you gifts.

  •  

    Thanks for always waiting at least a few hours after a major international tragedy to make jokes about it.

    Thanks for always waiting at least a few hours after a major international tragedy to make jokes about it

  •  

    Thanks for not completely ripping me off.

    Thanks for not completely ripping me off

  •  

    Thanks for setting the bar so low.

    Thanks for setting the bar so low

  •  

    Thanks for all the time you spend listening to me complain about not having enough time.

    Thanks for all the time you spend listening to me complain about not having enough time.

  •  

    Thanks for informing me that my mailbox is over its size limit.

    Thanks for informing me that my mailbox is over its size limit

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