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    Thanks in advance for not bringing up the true story of Thanksgiving.

    Thanks in advance for not bringing up the true story of Thanksgiving.

  •  

    Let's temporarily be grateful for things.

    Let's temporarily be grateful for things.

  •  

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except people who call it Turkey Day.

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except people who call it Turkey Day.

  •  

    Just wanted to say how grateful I am that I remembered to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

    Just wanted to say how grateful I am that I remembered to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

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    May you get as much ass play as a turkey this Thanksgiving.

    May you get as much ass play as a turkey this Thanksgiving.

  •  

    Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving before we pass out at the dinner table.

    Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving before we pass out at the dinner table.

  •  

    I look forward to hearing you complain about how difficult it was to travel here.

    I look forward to hearing you complain about how difficult it was to travel here.

  •  

    I'd love it if we took unbuttoning our pants after Thanksgiving dinner a step further.

    I'd love it if we took unbuttoning our pants after Thanksgiving dinner a step further.

  •  

    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to your bathroom on Thanksgiving.

    Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to your bathroom on Thanksgiving.

  •  

    Hope you don't mind that the side dish I'm bringing to Thanksgiving is several bottles of wine that I'm not sharing with anyone else.

    Hope you don't mind that the side dish I'm bringing to Thanksgiving is several bottles of wine that I'm not sharing with anyone else.

  •  

    Sorry your girlfriend is too young to sit with us at the adult table this Thanksgiving.

    Sorry your girlfriend is too young to sit with us at the adult table this Thanksgiving.

  •  

    I'd love to see you over Thanksgiving if it's not too depressing for you to see someone who still lives in our hometown.

    I'd love to see you over Thanksgiving if it's not too depressing for you to see someone who still lives in our hometown.

  •  

    I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

    I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

  •  

    May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex with a prostitute.

    May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex with a prostitute.

  •  

    The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

    The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

  •  

    Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

    Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

  •  

    May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

    May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

  •  

    Thanksgiving is the perfect time to introduce the person you've been dating to the people they'd eventually have to endure.

    Thanksgiving is the perfect time to introduce the person you've been dating to the people they'd eventually have to endure.

  •  

    I want to take you home for Thanksgiving to meet the people who made me turn out this way.

    I want to take you home for Thanksgiving to meet the people who made me turn out this way.

  •  

    Obamacare has done a remarkable job at providing my racist relatives with their best Thanksgiving in decades.

    Obamacare has done a remarkable job at providing my racist relatives with their best Thanksgiving in decades.

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