Another week, another attempt by America's most implausible family to prove they are humans we could emulate.

In this episode, “On the Road," we are shown a road trip that features Kurt Russell's sister. Hey, just because Kurt Russell's sister has never poured us her brother's wine doesn't mean it will never happen.

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Surely we could hunt down Kurt Russell's sister if we tried! Maybe we could talk about Kurt's return for Furious 8! Unfortunately, most of us don't have time for that kind of stalking. Besides, thinking about the Furious franchise for too long is now the leading cause of depression.

Here are five moments from this week's episode that made us realize we should be giving up on keeping up:

1. The whole world has neither seen your cervix nor cares to.

2. No one asks if you're a mobile genius, even if they're being sarcastic.

3. Your lips will never threaten to overtake your family's famously plump asses.

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