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    Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

    Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

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    I just want you to know that Amish you.

    I just want you to know that Amish you.

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    I love to watch you sleep before I wake you up and nail you.

    I love to watch you sleep before I wake you up and nail you

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    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with.

    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with

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    I miss you like an old man's urine stream misses the toilet.

    I miss you like an old man's urine stream misses the toilet.

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    I've almost figured out our relationship.

    I've almost figured out our relationship

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    FYI, I'm building a shrine to your cock.

    FYI, I'm building a shrine to your cock

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    Just curious what you're doing and wearing right now.

    Just curious what you're doing and wearing right now

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    I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

    I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

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    When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

    When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

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    I don't mind if you get me sick.

    I don't mind if you get me sick

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    You have no idea how many inconvenient boners you have caused.

    You have no idea how many inconvenient boners you have caused.

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    You've officially earned access to every orifice.

    You've officially earned access to every orifice

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    I could watch TV with you forever.

    I could watch TV with you forever

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    Nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life.

    Nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life

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    Being around you makes me want to briefly stop compulsively checking all forms of digital communication.

    Being around you makes me want to briefly stop compulsively checking all forms of digital communication

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    Even when we're 80 I will do you from behind.

    Even when we're 80 I will do you from behind

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    I really can't say enough good things about your blow jobs.

    I really can't say enough good things about your blow jobs

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    Congratulations on not getting me pregnant.

    Congratulations on not getting me pregnant

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    If we were snow monkeys, I'd pick dead skin and insects off your fur even if I wasn't looking to mate.

    If we were snow monkeys, I'd pick dead skin and insects off your fur even if I wasn't looking to mate

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