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    Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

    Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

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    I think our relationship is finally at that point where you should learn about my existence.

    I think our relationship is finally at that point where you should learn about my existence

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    I love you so much, I don't care if you can hear me take a poop.

    I love you so much, I don't care if you can hear me take a poop.

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    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with.

    I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in a dysfunctional relationship with

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    It feels like a fisting kind of evening.

    It feels like a fisting kind of evening

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    You never pee on me anymore.

    You never pee on me anymore

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    I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you.

    I can't believe how much I'm not sick of you

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    Without you I'm as blue as Walter White's meth.

    Without you I'm as blue as Walter White's meth.

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    No one makes me less unhappy than you.

    No one makes me less unhappy than you.

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    Sometimes I wish Jesus were here so I could see your face when he didn't go to your Church.

    Sometimes I wish Jesus were here so I could see your face when he didn't go to your Church.

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    Your online absence has me worried you might have actually gotten a life.

    Your online absence has me worried you might have actually gotten a life.

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    Sorry I awkwardly mistook our regular tension for sexual tension.

    Sorry I awkwardly mistook our regular tension for sexual tension.

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    You always manage to put a fake smile on my face.

    You always manage to put a fake smile on my face.

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    The closest you'll ever get to a threesome is using both hands.

    The closest you'll ever get to a threesome is using both hands.

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    We could have had phone sex had I been able to dial faster.

    We could have had phone sex had I been able to dial faster.

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    I'm going to start being more assertive if that's OK with you.

    I'm going to start being more assertive if that's OK with you.

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    I'm willing to do whatever is convenient to keep this relationship afloat.

    I'm willing to do whatever is convenient to keep this relationship afloat.

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    I miss spending time apart from you.

    I miss spending time apart from you.

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    I'm only awkward around you, friends, relatives and people I don't know.

    I'm only awkward around you, friends, relatives and people I don't know.

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    You are not paying me enough attention to notice that i am ignoring you.

    You are not paying me enough attention to notice that i am ignoring you.

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