• refine by:
  •  

    I'm saving up to do something special for your boobs.

    I'm saving up to do something special for your boobs

  •  

    I'd wait for you even longer than Verizon waited for the chance to sell Apple products.

    I'd wait for you even longer than Verizon waited for the chance to sell Apple products

  •  

    I still dislike the taste of your semen.

    I still dislike the taste of your semen

  •  

    When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

    When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

  •  

    My penis is large enough to wound you.

    My penis is large enough to wound you

  •  

    Let's hang out sometime during the brief period between apocalyptic death storms.

    Let's hang out sometime during the brief period between apocalyptic death storms.

  •  

    The GOP settling for Romney is a great reminder to thank you for settling for me.

    The GOP settling for Romney is a great reminder to thank you for settling for me

  •  

    Special Messages: I go to the woods (Max Silvestri).

    Special Messages: I go to the woods (Max Silvestri)

  •  

    I want our relationship to be exactly like whichever perfect celebrity couple hasn't broken up yet.

    I want our relationship to be exactly like whichever perfect celebrity couple hasn't broken up yet

  •  

    I like it when you're clingy.

    I like it when you're clingy

  •  

    You're my favorite backseat driver.

    You're my favorite backseat driver

  •  

    I love you like L.A. loves to riot.

    I love you like L.A. loves to riot

  •  

    Thanks for wearing that outfit I like.

    Thanks for wearing that outfit I like

  •  

    Please give me attention.

    Please give me attention

  •  

    Thanks for always staying faithful to me to my knowledge.

    Thanks for always staying faithful to me to my knowledge

  •  

    I respect your need to take things slow and am willing to wait however long it takes to hurt you.

    I respect your need to take things slow and am willing to wait however long it takes to hurt you

  •  

    Please don't make me hang out with my friends.

    Please don't make me hang out with my friends

  •  

    It's comforting to know that we're equally maladjusted.

    It's comforting to know that we're equally maladjusted

  •  

    Even when we're 80 I will do you from behind.

    Even when we're 80 I will do you from behind

  •  

    Since Bush leaving office means I'll need a new source of rage and anxiety, now might be the perfect time for us to get back together.

    Since Bush leaving office means I'll need a new source of rage and anxiety, now might be the perfect time for us to get back together

DON'T MISS THIS