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    Sorry your online passwords are stronger than you'll ever be.

    Sorry your online passwords are stronger than you'll ever be.

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    You mean the third world to me.

    You mean the third world to me.

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    You are my sunshine in that you may have damaged me in ways I won't know about for years to come.

    You are my sunshine in that you may have damaged me in ways I won't know about for years to come.

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    Sorry I awkwardly mistook our regular tension for sexual tension.

    Sorry I awkwardly mistook our regular tension for sexual tension.

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    Just wanted you to know that I've planned something spontaneous for later.

    Just wanted you to know that I've planned something spontaneous for later.

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    Sex with you has given me PTSD.

    Sex with you has given me PTSD.

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    I'm offended by how easily you're offended.

    I'm offended by how easily you're offended.

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    I'm going to be so mad at you once my mood elevators wear off.

    I'm going to be so mad at you once my mood elevators wear off.

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    You always manage to put a fake smile on my face.

    You always manage to put a fake smile on my face.

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    I love you so much, I don't care if you can hear me take a poop.

    I love you so much, I don't care if you can hear me take a poop.

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    I'd be fatter without you.

    I'd be fatter without you.

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    I'm never happier than when I'm with you and we're talking about me.

    I'm never happier than when I'm with you and we're talking about me.

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    I don't mind you criticizing me because at least it's one of the few times you're not talking about yourself.

    I don't mind you criticizing me because at least it's one of the few times you're not talking about yourself.

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    I exercise just to make you feel bad about not exercising.

    I exercise just to make you feel bad about not exercising.

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    Your online absence has me worried you might have actually gotten a life.

    Your online absence has me worried you might have actually gotten a life.

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    If there's anything I can do for you don't hesitate to forget it.

    If there's anything I can do for you don't hesitate to forget it.

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    I've been planning to get you into bed from the moment I couldn't log on to my usual porn site.

    I've been planning to get you into bed from the moment I couldn't log on to my usual porn site.

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    My intense desire to unfriend you is outweighed by the enjoyment I feel gawking at the huge trainwreck that is your life.

    My intense desire to unfriend you is outweighed by the enjoyment I feel gawking at the huge trainwreck that is your life.

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    You don't need to look underneath a bottle cap to know that you are not a winner.

    You don't need to look underneath a bottle cap to know that you are not a winner.

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    Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.

    Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.

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