Now that we've slept together, prepare yourself for the gentlemanly, obligatory next-day phone call
I respect your need to take things slow and am willing to wait however long it takes to hurt you
I'd never even consider scalping tickets to your memorial service for under $25,000
There's no limit to how many frequent flier miles I'd try using to visit you
I feel like I could listen to you forever in 140-character-or-less increments
You're one of the few people I would consider hugging directly after a Bikram Yoga class
This must be love because I haven't even contemplated an eventual escape plan
If you knew how much I've been thinking about you, you wouldn't be talking to me right now
I think our relationship has matured to the point where period sex is on the table
If we ever got married, I'd wear my wedding band almost daily
If we ever participate in an orgy, I want to make love to you first
If you really loved me, you would say it on my Facebook Wall
You're my favorite backseat driver
I never thought I'd fall in love with someone who put out so quickly
I love to watch you sleep before I wake you up and nail you
Let's put the romance back into H.I.V. testing
Let's make love when we're done fucking