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I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

There's nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life trying to change into someone else than you.

I'd rather pray for you than actually exert myself physically helping you.

When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

The GOP settling for Romney is a great reminder to thank you for settling for me

Kudos for breaking the stereotype about terrible Asian drivers by not being Asian.

I don't believe anything I read on Facebook, including my own status updates.

You are the automatic pop up ad of my existence.

Let's take this relationship back online

Getting a man to deactivate his dating profile is the new marriage

I don't know what I would do without you, but I bet it's awesome.

I think the next logical step in our relationship is speaking.

You remind me of an ugly version of Steve Buscemi.

Nothing that Facebook changes will ever keep me from stalking you.

I want you to know that I meant every word of the compliments you forced me to make.

I'd punch anyone who shoves a pie in your face during a Parliamentary hearing even if you deserve it

Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

I think we should start sexting other people.

I assume you never called because you're worried about cell phone radiation

Bragging is my greatest accomplishment

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