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If I had known you were coming over, I would have left the house.

I don't want to ruin what we have by actually being involved with you in any capacity.

I love you so much, sometimes I even think about you when we bang.

I can't come to the phone right now because you're the one who's calling me.

You'll make a great first wife someday

Glad you finally found books to read that are as perverted as the porn I watch.

Seeing you on Tuesday is always a welcome relief that you didn't give in to your suicidal thoughts on Monday.

Happy Friday the 13th to my favorite non-murderous Jason

Before you, my life was like watching a Knicks game without Jeremy Lin playing

I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

There's nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life trying to change into someone else than you.

I'd rather pray for you than actually exert myself physically helping you.

When we're together I'd rather you stared at my boobs than your phone.

The GOP settling for Romney is a great reminder to thank you for settling for me

Kudos for breaking the stereotype about terrible Asian drivers by not being Asian.

I don't believe anything I read on Facebook, including my own status updates.

You are the automatic pop up ad of my existence.

Let's take this relationship back online

Getting a man to deactivate his dating profile is the new marriage

I don't know what I would do without you, but I bet it's awesome.

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