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  • May. 14th, 2012

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

  • May. 1st, 2012

    The awkward twenty-something sex on Girls reminds me of the awkward thirty-something sex I'm still having.

    The awkward twenty-something sex on Girls reminds me of the awkward thirty-something sex I'm still having.

  • Apr. 2nd, 2011

    I'll start watching The Wire if you stop pretending you're a savant for watching The Wire.

    I'll start watching The Wire if you stop pretending you're a savant for watching The Wire.

  • Jan. 23rd, 2011

    I'm concerned that your enjoyment of Jersey shore is bordering on non-ironic.

    I'm concerned that your enjoyment of Jersey shore is bordering on non-ironic.

  • Nov. 9th, 2010

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

  • Aug. 23rd, 2010

    I can't change the channel when those stupid Snuggie commercials come on because I'm under a blanket and don't want my arms to get cold.

    I can't change the channel when those stupid Snuggie commercials come on because I'm under a blanket and don't want my arms to get cold.

  • Oct. 28th, 2009

    You remind me of the black guy on The Office, because you're the black guy in our office.

    You remind me of the black guy on The Office, because you're the black guy in our office.

  • Oct. 25th, 2008

    I was into 'Mad Men' way before it attracted a slightly larger viewing audience.

    I was into "Mad Men" way before it attracted a slightly larger viewing audience.

  • Sep. 30th, 2008

    The massive success of Two and a Half Men should have been a warning sign that we were capable of obliterating our economy.

    The massive success of Two and a Half Men should have been a warning sign that we were capable of obliterating our economy.

  • May. 19th, 2010

    Lets get together for the Lost finale and reminisce about the days when Lost made any sense whatsoever.

    Lets get together for the Lost finale and reminisce about the days when Lost made any sense whatsoever.

  • Sep. 10th, 2008

    I will always hold the new 90210 to the same abysmally low standards of the original.

    I will always hold the new 90210 to the same abysmally low standards of the original.

  • Sep. 20th, 2011

    Two and a Half Men just pulled ahead of Charlie Sheen in my dead pool.

    Two and a Half Men just pulled ahead of Charlie Sheen in my dead pool.

  • Feb. 1st, 2011

    I always hoped the unfathomably shitty writing and acting would be the reason production halted on Two and a Half Men.

    I always hoped the unfathomably shitty writing and acting would be the reason production halted on Two and a Half Men.

  • Sep. 20th, 2011

    Congratulations to Two and a Half Men on successfully maintaining its astonishingly low standards.

    Congratulations to Two and a Half Men on successfully maintaining its astonishingly low standards.

  • Aug. 3rd, 2010

    Sorry your upcoming vacation destination was featured on Shark Week.

    Sorry your upcoming vacation destination was featured on Shark Week.

  • Jan. 18th, 2010

    Sorry your severance package was $30 million less than Conan's.

    Sorry your severance package was $30 million less than Conan's.

  • Dec. 11th, 2009

    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates.

    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates.

  • Aug. 3rd, 2008

    I think Alec Baldwin's brilliance on 30 Rock more than makes up for calling his 11-year-old daughter a 'thoughtless little pig'.

    I think Alec Baldwin's brilliance on 30 Rock more than makes up for calling his 11-year-old daughter a "thoughtless little pig".

  • Jul. 26th, 2010

    Working hard to fulfill your dreams could someday make you not as famous as the cast of Jersey Shore.

    Working hard to fulfill your dreams could someday make you not as famous as the cast of Jersey Shore.

  • Aug. 3rd, 2008

    I hope you become a big enough star to someday become a big enough has-been to be on Dancing With The Stars.

    I hope you become a big enough star to someday become a big enough has-been to be on Dancing With The Stars.

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