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    I can't take a vacation because the stress of my DVR filling up would ruin it.

    I can't take a vacation because the stress of my DVR filling up would ruin it.

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    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

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    Despite recent events, the cast of Jersey Shore may still be the worst thing to show up on a Florida beach.

    Despite recent events, the cast of Jersey Shore may still be the worst thing to show up on a Florida beach

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    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him.

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him

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    I predict Breaking Bad will end even more horrifically than most of my relationships.

    I predict Breaking Bad will end even more horrifically than most of my relationships.

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    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

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    I look forward to debating what we should watch instead of the debate.

    I look forward to debating what we should watch instead of the debate.

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    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

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    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

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    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

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    Justice will be served if Lindsay Lohan is forced to watch Liz & Dick in prison.

    Justice will be served if Lindsay Lohan is forced to watch Liz & Dick in prison.

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    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost.

    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost

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    Happy Shark Week to Osama bin Laden.

    Happy Shark Week to Osama bin Laden.

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    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter.

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter

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    TV has destroyed the attention span I need to sit through a full show on TV.

    TV has destroyed the attention span I need to sit through a full show on TV

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    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts.

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts

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    Avoiding TV spoilers on Mondays fits perfectly with my strategy of avoiding all human contact.

    Avoiding TV spoilers on Mondays fits perfectly with my strategy of avoiding all human contact.

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    I don't want to live in a world where Law & Order can be cancelled but Two and a Half Men can't.

    I don't want to live in a world where Law & Order can be cancelled but Two and a Half Men can't

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    I'm relieved most of the black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm left before Michael Richards arrives.

    I'm relieved most of the black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm left before Michael Richards arrives

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    Lets get together for the Lost finale and reminisce about the days when Lost made any sense whatsoever.

    Lets get together for the Lost finale and reminisce about the days when Lost made any sense whatsoever

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