


My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter

I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts

Sorry your severance package was $30 million less than Conan's

Weeds has shown me that major drug deals don't have to be such an unpleasant experience

You simply cannot fathom how far I'll go to make you unaware I'll be watching the new 90210

Please stop saying "This is just like The Office" around the office

If I'm ever murdered, I hope it's interesting enough to be the inspiration for a Law & Order episode

I'm concerned with how far the narrative arc of Californication has strayed from Mia's tits

I'm more invested in the Meerkat Manor family dynamics than my own