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    You're as important to this office as Walter White is to a meth lab.

    You're as important to this office as Walter White is to a meth lab

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    Meth addicts will never understand how hard it is to withdraw from Breaking Bad.

    Meth addicts will never understand how hard it is to withdraw from Breaking Bad

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    Sorry NBC had the nerve to stop airing a show that you and dozens of other people loved.

    Sorry NBC had the nerve to stop airing a show that you and dozens of other people loved

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    I wish watching the awkwardly graphic sex scenes on Game of Thrones wasn't the closest I'd come to having a sex life this year.

    I wish watching the awkwardly graphic sex scenes on Game of Thrones wasn't the closest I'd come to having a sex life this year

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    I enjoy watching TV with you in separate locations.

    I enjoy watching TV with you in separate locations

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    Let's open a bar only if we firmly commit to attain the levels of depravity on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

    Let's open a bar only if we firmly commit to attain the levels of depravity on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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    Sorry the cast of Jersey Shore went to Italy and you can't even afford to go to the Jersey Shore.

    Sorry the cast of Jersey Shore went to Italy and you can't even afford to go to the Jersey Shore

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    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates.

    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates

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    I admire your use of the Food Network as a distraction from your eating disorder.

    I admire your use of the Food Network as a distraction from your eating disorder

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    Steve Carell leaving The Office is almost as depressing as my inability to leave mine.

    Steve Carell leaving The Office is almost as depressing as my inability to leave mine

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    Despite recent events, the cast of Jersey Shore may still be the worst thing to show up on a Florida beach.

    Despite recent events, the cast of Jersey Shore may still be the worst thing to show up on a Florida beach

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    I want to be a shotgun-toting, gangster-robbing black homosexual like Omar on The Wire.

    I want to be a shotgun-toting, gangster-robbing black homosexual like Omar on The Wire

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    Watching a Mad Men character piss his pants before a business meeting has me feeling much better about my behavior around alcohol.

    Watching a Mad Men character piss his pants before a business meeting has me feeling much better about my behavior around alcohol

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    Just in case you never make it onto Undercover Boss I wanted to let you know that working here sucks shit.

    Just in case you never make it onto Undercover Boss I wanted to let you know that working here sucks shit

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    I'll watch any TV show where they buy, remodel, or cook a house, meal, or person.

    I'll watch any TV show where they buy, remodel, or cook a house, meal, or person

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    Working hard to fulfill your dreams could someday make you not as famous as the cast of Jersey Shore.

    Working hard to fulfill your dreams could someday make you not as famous as the cast of Jersey Shore

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    Let's get an 88-year-old comedienne to do more stressful shit for our short-lived amusement.

    Let's get an 88-year-old comedienne to do more stressful shit for our short-lived amusement

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    Shark Week is a good reminder there are things in the ocean almost as scary as a British oil company.

    Shark Week is a good reminder there are things in the ocean almost as scary as a British oil company

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    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore.

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore

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    I'm worried this season of Jersey Shore will be less embarrassing to America than our government.

    I'm worried this season of Jersey Shore will be less embarrassing to America than our government

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