•  

    Don Draper is even better than you are at pretending to have a real job.

    Don Draper is even better than you are at pretending to have a real job.

  •  

    I enjoyed watching Joffrey die as much as Joffrey enjoyed watching people die.

    I enjoyed watching Joffrey die as much as Joffrey enjoyed watching people die.

  •  

    I wish there were a Game of Thrones character who violently murdered people who posted Game of Thrones spoilers.

    I wish there were a Game of Thrones character who violently murdered people who posted Game of Thrones spoilers.

  •  

    Let's all say goodbye to a show that will be on multiple channels every night for the next 20 years.

    Let's all say goodbye to a show that will be on multiple channels every night for the next 20 years.

  •  

    Sorry the Yellow King got more action than you this weekend.

    Sorry the Yellow King got more action than you this weekend.

  •  

    Congratulations on only having to rewind your DVR four times to understand the last line of True Detective.

    Congratulations on only having to rewind your DVR four times to understand the last line of True Detective.

  •  

    Based on who you picked as The Yellow King, I'm not sure I want your advice on my NCAA bracket.

    Based on who you picked as The Yellow King, I'm not sure I want your advice on my NCAA bracket.

  •  

    I'll be happy to give you my opinion of the True Detective finale once I read every review I can find.

    I'll be happy to give you my opinion of the True Detective finale once I read every review I can find.

  •  

    Without True Detective you may have to solve the mystery of why your life is so boring.

    Without True Detective you may have to solve the mystery of why your life is so boring.

  •  

    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

  •  

    My prediction for the True Detective finale is that you forget it's daylight savings and miss the entire thing.

    My prediction for the True Detective finale is that you forget it's daylight savings and miss the entire thing.

  •  

    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

  •  

    I'm so thankful to Netflix for allowing me to consume TV the same way I do alcohol and ice cream.

    I'm so thankful to Netflix for allowing me to consume TV the same way I do alcohol and ice cream.

  •  

    Let's be thankful Joe Biden doesn't have nearly as much influence on policy as Frank Underwood does.

    Let's be thankful Joe Biden doesn't have nearly as much influence on policy as Frank Underwood does.

  •  

    Congratulations on knowing more characters in House of Cards than people in the actual U.S. government.

    Congratulations on knowing more characters in House of Cards than people in the actual U.S. government.

  •  

    If you spoil anything from House of Cards, I'm going to push you in front of a subway car.

    If you spoil anything from House of Cards, I'm going to push you in front of a subway car.

  •  

    Homeland has shown me the unspeakable terror of what it's like to not be medicated at work.

    Homeland has shown me the unspeakable terror of what it's like to not be medicated at work.

  •  

    I predict Breaking Bad will end even more horrifically than most of my relationships.

    I predict Breaking Bad will end even more horrifically than most of my relationships.

  •  

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

  •  

    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

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