•  

    You're the Jesse Pinkman to my Walter White.

    You're the Jesse Pinkman to my Walter White.

  •  

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

  •  

    You're as important to this office as Walter White is to a meth lab.

    You're as important to this office as Walter White is to a meth lab.

  •  

    The most exciting part of my summer has been sitting around waiting for Breaking Bad to start.

    The most exciting part of my summer has been sitting around waiting for Breaking Bad to start.

  •  

    Sorry your apartment after graduation won't even be as nice as the crappy ones on Girls.

    Sorry your apartment after graduation won't even be as nice as the crappy ones on Girls.

  •  

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

  •  

    The awkward twenty-something sex on Girls reminds me of the awkward thirty-something sex I'm still having.

    The awkward twenty-something sex on Girls reminds me of the awkward thirty-something sex I'm still having.

  •  

    Mondays are even harder now that I have to stay up until 3 a.m. to finish watching Sunday night TV.

    Mondays are even harder now that I have to stay up until 3 a.m. to finish watching Sunday night TV.

  •  

    No matter how much you talk about Downton Abbey we'll never forget you've seen every episode of Jersey Shore.

    No matter how much you talk about Downton Abbey we'll never forget you've seen every episode of Jersey Shore

  •  

    Meth addicts will never understand how hard it is to withdraw from Breaking Bad.

    Meth addicts will never understand how hard it is to withdraw from Breaking Bad

  •  

    Congratulations to Two and a Half Men on successfully maintaining its astonishingly low standards.

    Congratulations to Two and a Half Men on successfully maintaining its astonishingly low standards

  •  

    Two and a Half Men just pulled ahead of Charlie Sheen in my dead pool.

    Two and a Half Men just pulled ahead of Charlie Sheen in my dead pool

  •  

    Congratulations to Conan on not getting replaced by the guy he replaced.

    Congratulations to Conan on not getting replaced by the guy he replaced

  •  

    Sorry the cast of Jersey Shore went to Italy and you can't even afford to go to the Jersey Shore.

    Sorry the cast of Jersey Shore went to Italy and you can't even afford to go to the Jersey Shore

  •  

    I wish watching the awkwardly graphic sex scenes on Game of Thrones wasn't the closest I'd come to having a sex life this year.

    I wish watching the awkwardly graphic sex scenes on Game of Thrones wasn't the closest I'd come to having a sex life this year

  •  

    I wish Oprah had retired before discovering Dr. Phil.

    I wish Oprah had retired before discovering Dr. Phil

  •  

    I'll get over Oprah's show ending as soon as Oprah tells me to.

    I'll get over Oprah's show ending as soon as Oprah tells me to

  •  

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him.

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him

  •  

    I'll start watching The Wire if you stop pretending you're a savant for watching The Wire.

    I'll start watching The Wire if you stop pretending you're a savant for watching The Wire.

  •  

    The only person conceivably more insane than Charlie Sheen is anyone upset by the cancellation of Two and a Half Men.

    The only person conceivably more insane than Charlie Sheen is anyone upset by the cancellation of Two and a Half Men

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