•  

    Just in case you never make it onto Undercover Boss I wanted to let you know that working here sucks shit.

    Just in case you never make it onto Undercover Boss I wanted to let you know that working here sucks shit

  •  

    Sorry your severance package was $30 million less than Conan's.

    Sorry your severance package was $30 million less than Conan's

  •  

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts.

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts

  •  

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter.

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter

  •  

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore.

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore

  •  

    Sorry your abs aren't worthy of a nickname.

    Sorry your abs aren't worthy of a nickname

  •  

    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates.

    I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates

  •  

    I'm relieved most of the black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm left before Michael Richards arrives.

    I'm relieved most of the black family on Curb Your Enthusiasm left before Michael Richards arrives

  •  

    You remind me of Peggy from Mad Men because of her determination to compete on an equal level with the men in her office yet still sleep with the sleaziest one.

    You remind me of Peggy from Mad Men because of her determination to compete on an equal level with the men in her office yet still sleep with the sleaziest one

  •  

    Sorry you can't remember if Mad Men is accurate about all the drinking at work because you drank so much at work.

    Sorry you can't remember if Mad Men is accurate about all the drinking at work because you drank so much at work

  •  

    Just because I can't stop talking about how gorgeous Chace Crawford is doesn't mean I'm into Gossip Girl.

    Just because I can't stop talking about how gorgeous Chace Crawford is doesn't mean I'm into Gossip Girl

  •  

    TV has destroyed the attention span I need to sit through a full show on TV.

    TV has destroyed the attention span I need to sit through a full show on TV

  •  

    Let's try to put at least as much thought into voting for the next U.S. president as we do into voting for the next American Idol.

    Let's try to put at least as much thought into voting for the next U.S. president as we do into voting for the next American Idol

  •  

    I was into 'Mad Men' way before it attracted a slightly larger viewing audience.

    I was into "Mad Men" way before it attracted a slightly larger viewing audience.

  •  

    Watching a Mad Men character piss his pants before a business meeting has me feeling much better about my behavior around alcohol.

    Watching a Mad Men character piss his pants before a business meeting has me feeling much better about my behavior around alcohol

  •  

    The massive success of Two and a Half Men should have been a warning sign that we were capable of obliterating our economy.

    The massive success of Two and a Half Men should have been a warning sign that we were capable of obliterating our economy

  •  

    I want to be Tina Fey's second.

    I want to be Tina Fey's second

  •  

    I enjoy watching TV with you in separate locations.

    I enjoy watching TV with you in separate locations

  •  

    I want to be a shotgun-toting, gangster-robbing black homosexual like Omar on The Wire.

    I want to be a shotgun-toting, gangster-robbing black homosexual like Omar on The Wire

  •  

    You and your friends remind me of a funnier and much less exciting version of the guys from Entourage.

    You and your friends remind me of a funnier and much less exciting version of the guys from Entourage

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