• refine by:
sort-by: Most Popular | Newest
  •  

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

    Even Walter White couldn't improve on the chemistry between us.

  •  

    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

    I want to get you as gratuitously naked as a Game of Thrones character.

  •  

    I can't take a vacation because the stress of my DVR filling up would ruin it.

    I can't take a vacation because the stress of my DVR filling up would ruin it.

  •  

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

  •  

    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

  •  

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him.

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him

  •  

    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

  •  

    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

  •  

    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

  •  

    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

  •  

    I'm not going to rehab until Don Draper does.

    I'm not going to rehab until Don Draper does

  •  

    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

  •  

    May your teaching job someday lead to something as lucrative as being a murderous meth overlord.

    May your teaching job someday lead to something as lucrative as being a murderous meth overlord.

  •  

    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost.

    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost

  •  

    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

  •  

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter.

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter

  •  

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

  •  

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts.

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts

  •  

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore.

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore

  •  

    I don't want to live in a world where Law & Order can be cancelled but Two and a Half Men can't.

    I don't want to live in a world where Law & Order can be cancelled but Two and a Half Men can't

DON'T MISS THIS