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    You don't have to worry about me spoiling Game of Thrones for you because I have no idea what is going on.

    You don't have to worry about me spoiling Game of Thrones for you because I have no idea what is going on.

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    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

    Its ironic that Glee is doing an episode on teen bullying since the reason I bully you is because you watch Glee.

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    May your teaching job someday lead to something as lucrative as being a murderous meth overlord.

    May your teaching job someday lead to something as lucrative as being a murderous meth overlord.

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    Congratulations to The Office on seven or so seasons of laughs.

    Congratulations to The Office on seven or so seasons of laughs.

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    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

    You're as irresistible to me as whipped cream shots are to Betty Francis.

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    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him.

    I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him

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    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

    Nothing on True Detective is more disturbing and mind-boggling than the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with.

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    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

    Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

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    Your enthusiasm for Shark Week scares me more than sharks.

    Your enthusiasm for Shark Week scares me more than sharks.

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    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

    Here's to The Office ending on TV and living forever on screens used to kill time on airplanes.

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    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

    You've put more thought and analysis into True Detective than you have our entire relationship.

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    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore.

    I support the health care bill's 10% tanning bed tax as long as I'm not the one who has to tell the cast of Jersey Shore

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    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

    I'd be lying if I said I was 100 percent sure Breaking and Bad aren't elements on the periodic table.

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    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

    I'd be much more efficient if I could combine hating my job with hating Two and a Half Men.

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    I'm not going to rehab until Don Draper does.

    I'm not going to rehab until Don Draper does

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    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

    Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

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    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost.

    I can't wait for the ending of you telling me to watch Lost

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    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter.

    My funniest Tonight Show memory of the last 17 years is Conan's resignation letter

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    You and your friends remind me of a funnier and much less exciting version of the guys from Entourage.

    You and your friends remind me of a funnier and much less exciting version of the guys from Entourage

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    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts.

    I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts

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