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You'll love being hurt by me

I'd give you some of my least favorite body parts if you really needed them

I think I'd be great to date until someone more interesting comes along

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Eric Ledgin

"Maybe I'll just stay in and read." -person about to refresh Twitter over and over for five hours
daveanthony

The sexting that goes on in Japan must be horrifying.
Steve Huff

TIME's Person of the Year is The Protester. OCCUPY TIME. #OCCUPY
Josh Donoghue

Hoping to get so drunk at my office holiday party that they forget how drunk I was last year.
james coker

Now I know where my mom got that Derek Jeter signed baseball.
Jenny Johnson

I can't believe Mary's parents bought that whole "pregnant virgin" story.
rob delaney

"New Year's Eve" was so good that my infant daughter's face now sickens me because she will never be that beautiful.
Jen Statsky

It's weird that "Why Are These Things Trending?" isn't always trending.
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