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cry for help

Filling out my online dating profile is a chilling reminder of how little I have to offer a companion
At least closing those Netflix pop-under ads gives me something to do
My therapist and will to live are gone until September
I'm hoping for a Facebook application that helps me relearn conversation skills
I seek geographic solutions to deep-seated emotional problems
My agonizingly trivial Twitter updates only confirm the bone-chilling hollowness of my existence
I'm holding out for a dating site that caters to people who are undatable
Not having any loved ones has really freed up my time
My social skills are eerily similar to those of notorious homicidal maniacs
I wish there was a social networking site where everyone would leave me the fuck alone
I don't have time for a relationship because I'm too busy analyzing why I'm not in one
My favorite place to eat in my neighborhood is my sofa
I have enough free time for DVD commentary
I simply cannot summon the strength to stop watching Goodfellas once it's started
My cell phone is more accomplished than me
I don't know when or how to stop an email thread
I'm saving up for a nervous breakdown
I can't forget my past or remember my passwords
I assume I'm guilty of something
People who profit from my drinking are concerned about my drinking
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