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thanks
Thanks for setting the bar so low
Thanks for tagging me in a Facebook photo that I immediately untagged because I didn't look amazing
Thanks for showing you gave the matter some thought by starting your email with "hmm."
Thanks for rarely mentioning my hideous pit stains
Thanks for unwittingly letting me pillage your Facebook friends list in a desperate attempt to build up my own
Thanks for the begrudging, obligatory fellatio while you were on your period
Thanks for walking us through your long-term plans to methodically overcharge the hell out of us
Thanks for never telling me about experimenting with dudes if you ever did
Thank you for your thank you note
Thanks for always telling me which emerging buzz bands to have in my iPod
Thanks for always holding my hair back when I vomit
Thanks for not inviting me into any confusing and pointless Facebook applications
Thanks for participating in the intervention
Thanks for not suing me
Thanks for not procreating
Thanks for tipping me off to Netflix seven years after I started using it
Thanks for instructing me on when I should surprise you with flowers
Thanks for unwittingly taking the blame
Thanks for letting me know about your insomnia in real-time
Thanks for giving me cab fare home after giving me chlamydia
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