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Watching a gorgeous vampire and buff werewolf battle for a girl's love is the perfect distraction from my inability to meet a semi-datable human
Let's pretend there's nothing alarming about a tween fantasy movie causing cougars to fantasize about statutory rape
Someday I'd like to have a #1 bestseller for failing to become vice-president, quitting as governor, and not aborting a child
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
I wonder if Twilight's abstinence message will suppress my herculean urge to screw Robert Pattinson
Sorry my Web browser history scared you
Sorry for what I said during my blackout
Congratulations on your new baby if it was intentional
Thanks for not ditching me in a dumpster
The good news is that she was a cunt
Sorry my Web browser history scared you
Sorry for what I said during my blackout
Congratulations on your new baby if it was intentional
Thanks for not ditching me in a dumpster
The good news is that she was a cunt