I'll stay with you through thick and thin, but preferably thin.
Sorry that your date was ruined by To Catch A Predator.
My birth control pills are the only reason I know what day it is.
No one gives a fuck that you saw New Moon last night.
I do many things well, none of which generate income.
I'm sorry that in dating a black guy, I have forced you to stop being openly racist.
We left our last church to avoid people like you.
I can't break up with you until I'm through proving that you're the crazy one.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news , but it beats being the recipient.
We promise to Photoshop you into the family pictures if you promise to stay away this Christmas.
Due to economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.
You should remember that we're all just a brick to the face away from mild retardation.
Our sweatpants are washed and ready for Thanksgiving.
Sorry you still think all the rude e-cards were referring to someone else.
Thanks for the smallpox, displacement and genocide.
Thanks for allowing my e-cards to substitute any awkward conversations.
Sorry you were just a pawn in God's master plan for my life.
It's not pretty being easy.
Thank god we've gotten the awkwardness out of the way before the semi-formal
WOMAN, IT'S BEEN APPROX. 18 YEARS SINCE WE SPOKE.
sorry your baby's head is going to be as large as mine.
Watch me throw this baby over that church! Go deep!