Sorry to hear that your Facebook stock is now as worthless as your Facebook posts.
I love you more than John Travolta loves a happy ending.
I think we should start seeing other people, in our bedroom.
Let's honor those who protected our freedom to be deeply indebted to other nations.
Let's storm the beaches prepared to fight to the death for a place to picnic and relax.
If I ever need go on a shooting rampage, please know that I'll let you slip quietly out a side door.
Mom, I love you more than any other child has ever loved their mother, except for Oedipus.
Happy anniversary of the first time you were held upside down naked and spanked on the ass.
Let's celebrate Nurses Week by getting so wrecked that we need 24 hour nursing care to remain alive.
May you live to be so old that your toilet and your underwear are no longer two separate things.
I've got a bunch of free hugs for you, they're right over there in that van.
It's pretty amazing that Cinco de Mayo always lands on the 5th of May.
My corporate ladder is a fucking step stool.
May the tequila rise to meet you and may the border be always at your back.
