Sorry the only poking you get is on Facebook.
I wish there was an online dating website for people who hate online dating.
Sorry your birthday is overshadowed this year by the DVD release of "Twilight: Breaking Dawn."
Let's pepper spray our way to Black Friday savings!
Driving like a dick won't get you there any faster.
Let's celebrate Jewish Heritage Month by seeing "The Beaver."
Happy Easter to an atheist who celebrates Easter.
I sincerely hope you're not alone with your Shake Weight this Valentine's Day.
Sorry your birthday is overshadowed this year by the release of iPhone 4.
I'll do anything you want, just don't make me watch the Oprah Winfrey Network!
One of your New Year's resolutions should be to stop annoying me with Zynga game invites.
My only New Year's resolution is to stop sending someecards.
Let's not end up kissing our hands at the stroke of midnight like we did last New Year's Eve.
I just love a woman who smells Country Strong!
Sorry I missed your birthday, but you know I'm on statin drugs.
If you only make one New Year's resolution this year, make it to stop calling me.
First thing this year I'm going to China to apply for my old job.
I hope this switch won't make things awkward now between you and your dad.
Congratulations on your wedding. I hope this one takes.
I've already known for quite some time now that your emails go directly into my junk mail folder.
