I puker cuter than that outfit you're wearing.
I found the vodka. It was hiding in the orange juice.
If you ask me to hold your drink, I will drink it.
I'm the kind of dirty you can't wash off.
Why, I would be delighted to put my needs last again.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I'd like to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti.
My elevated blood alcohol level means the beaver's in charge.
You need a leash. Or maybe some shame.
I wear heels bigger than your dick.
Microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
You're basically a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please don't interrupt me when I'm ignoring you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport.
Please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Try not to confuse my yawn with an orgasm.
The watch drawn on my wrist says shot o' clock.
Making a drinking game out of Jeopardy does not mean you studied.
