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Encouragement
I puker cuter than that outfit you're wearing.
FEBRUARY 28TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I found the vodka. It was hiding in the orange juice.
FEBRUARY 21ST, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Confession
If you ask me to hold your drink, I will drink it.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I'm the kind of dirty you can't wash off.
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
4.80 (5 votes)
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Cry for Help
Why, I would be delighted to put my needs last again.
FEBRUARY 2ND, 2012
4.50 (2 votes)
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Confession
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
FEBRUARY 2ND, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Farewell
I'd like to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti.
OCTOBER 14TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Closets are for clothes.
SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
My elevated blood alcohol level means the beaver's in charge.
SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2011
3.00 (2 votes)
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Cry for Help
You need a leash. Or maybe some shame.
AUGUST 2ND, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Confession
I wear heels bigger than your dick.
JULY 11TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Reminders
Microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
JULY 8TH, 2011
5.00 (4 votes)
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Confession
You're basically a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
JULY 5TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Friendship
Please don't interrupt me when I'm ignoring you.
JUNE 16TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Breakup
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport.
JUNE 15TH, 2011
4.75 (8 votes)
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Thanks
Please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
JUNE 9TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Sympathy
We all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
JUNE 9TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
Try not to confuse my yawn with an orgasm.
APRIL 28TH, 2011
5.00 (4 votes)
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Reminders
The watch drawn on my wrist says shot o' clock.
APRIL 14TH, 2011
4.40 (5 votes)
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Cry for Help
Making a drinking game out of Jeopardy does not mean you studied.
FEBRUARY 4TH, 2011
4.29 (7 votes)