It takes Mark Zuckerberg making billion dollars to help me remember your birthday.
best thing about being a man is never having to turn into a sad middle aged woman after menopause.
Thank fuck most women are fat and ugly or I'd spend even more time wanking.
Getting remarried tells me you're a slow learner.
Internet is the new Hotel California; You can log out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
Don't call me creepy. You're the one that doesn't even know we're engaged.
I increased productivity at work by calling in sick today.
I still haven't forgiven my mother for giving birth to me.
Have I Told You Lamely That I Love You?
I Always Have Sex Before Masturbating So I Can Last Longer.
I'm Here For You if You Ever Need to Stop Talking!
I have a love ate relationship with food.
Live every day like it was you're lazy.
If you were born in November you are most probably a mistake from Valentine's day.
And then I go and spoil it all By saying something cupid Like I love you.
Forgive me Cupid, for I am single.
St. Valentine died for our hook ups.
