Some mornings I wake up and think, yep, today's the day I punch someone square in the throat.
Yes, Dear, I'll make you a sammich just as soon as I finish overhauling this engine.
Fashion Tip #101. A busy pattern helps to hide that embarrassing blood spatter!
Don't bogart that doob, bitch! I gotta get my high on!
Even John Wayne has had peach pie.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't you laughing?
I like my men how I like my coffee: Ground up and in the freezer.
I sentence you to 15 years hard labor! The charge? Repeated poking in public!
I've seen a million faces, and I've rocked them all!
It is soooooo draining being a trophy wife.
Yep, Watson, looks like evidence of a shart.
I'm too sexy for my hat as I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Well, someone can't hold their roofie coladas! Let's take you back to my place.
You waited until the last minute to go Valentine's Day Shopping again, didn't you??
This rave rocks, but I keep slipping on the damn glitter!
Oh Hell Nos, you did nots just tell me how to raise my kids, Bitch!
Someone was the most popular chick in her class! Unfortunately, it wasn't this woman.
Maybe next time you'll mind your own business, Bitch.
I'd try to explain it to you again, but I'm all out of puppets and crayons.
Isn't opium great? I don't even care that my foot's going to have to be sawed off!
