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Mother's Day
Mom, Thank you for not breast-feeding me on the cover of a magazine. Happy Mother's Day!
MAY 12TH, 2012
4.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
The only reason you're my friend on Facebook is the immense satifaction I get from how pissed off my comments make you.
MAY 11TH, 2012
3.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
If by "Let's agree to disagree," you really mean: "Let's each continue to think the other person is a fucking idiot," then, yeah, sure.
MAY 10TH, 2012
5.00 (4 votes)
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Valentine's Day
Out of all my baby mamas, I like you the best.
FEBRUARY 8TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
I sure hope I don't queef in front of the judges this time.
FEBRUARY 8TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
9-1-1, what's your emergency? I'm sorry, can you scream that again? I was pinning an e-card.
FEBRUARY 8TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
Is a courtesy flush really too much to ask for?
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Friendship
That's right - Tie my hur and hol my youngin', errrybody outta my way. I'm bout to go cray-cray on this bitch!
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Sports
Your team lost. Stop acting like a little bitch.
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Get Well
I'm glad you survived so that I didn't have to look like an ass for not going to your funeral.
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
4.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
I am sorry you had such an awkward meeting with your baby's daddy baby mama.
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
