I'm sorry I burned all your clothes in a fit of anger.
Don't mind me, I'm just your friendly neighborhood stalker.
Thanks for always being there when I need an extra tampon.
Thanks for always entertaining me during the hour I used to watch LOST.
Let's get drunk and do things we'll regret.
I'm sorry I found your slut's phone number while I was looking for my keys.
50% of marriages end in divorce. I hope yours proves to turn out better.
Is now a good time to tell you about my secret other life?
I hope I never awkwardly bump into you at the store.
Don't worry Champ, I'm sure you'll get that ridiculously easy catch next time.
If I was the government and you were the oil spill, I'd find a way to plug your hole.
Congratulations on becoming the favorite child of the family.
I wish we could be friends with benefits.
If you were a true friend you'd let me make out with you.
You don't look anything like your profile picture.
If we were on the Bachelor I might consider giving you a rose.
Let's fall in love with fictional characters because we can't get real boyfriends of our own.
I seriously spend way too much of my life on someecards.com.
