What I can't offer you in looks, money or love I make up for with cleverly- worded ecards.
Celebrate Cinco de Mayo like the Mexicans. By killing those who don't drink Tequila.
Congratulations on starting another fad diet!
It's not that I hate my job. It's that I like sleep more.
Here's hoping your family never finds that video of you on the internet.
Sorry the phone-sex service didn't bill you as discreetly as they said they would.
God, please let me die in a way that is memorable and awesome. Like a toilet explosion.
That liberal arts degree will come in handy when your explaining the menu at Outback.
I've broken all of my New Year's resolutions already.
Siblings are like pumpkins. They should be carved up and left on the front porch.
You've got moves like Jagger. Feminine, flamboyant, 30 years old and cocaine-induced.
Cupid told me your last boyfriend was black.
I would be willing to hide a body for you.
Your incessant workplace drama stories make me glad to be unemployed.
There's nothing I enjoy more than being with you! Except being alone.
Wading through all your bullshit makes my feet hurt.
Each year older you get, the further away your deams will be.
