I hope my calorie counter app will accept the entry "feelings".
My antidepressant is making all the food I eat make me fat.
Whenever I feel sad I just snuggle with the unfolded laundry on my bed.
If you ever get overwhelmed by the beauty of our lovemaking don't ever tell me.
We need a safe word for when you need to stop weeping.
I just ordered a vibrator from IKEA.
My youthful face is scientific proof that orgasm faces cause wrinkles.
I'm not fat I am just having a pregnancy scare.
I hope I have body dysmorphic disorder.
No matter how inhibited her gag reflex, some man somewhere is sick of her shit.
Any time I feel alone I just look at the text message my dentist sent me for my birthday.
I'm happy that my expensive haircut is long enough for a shapeless bun.
Your iPhone battery lasting 24 hours is the new not getting asked to prom.
Creepy couples at Walmart prove that there really is someone out there for everyone. Except me.
I'm concerned that I already look like my mid-January self.
I think Chaz Bono will be much less confusing for our children than Bruno Tonioli.
