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Thinking of You
I miss you so much, but it has nothing to do with my need to have hours of dirty monkey sex on the bathroom floor.
APRIL 3RD, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Apology
Sorry there was nothing shameful about your walk of shame.
MARCH 22ND, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Thinking of You
I miss your texts the way I miss something that annoys me over and over again.
MARCH 8TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Glad to see that Pinterest is helping you remind yourself of all the happiness missing from your real life.
FEBRUARY 24TH, 2012
3.33 (3 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Your motivational board on Pinterest has motivated me to stay off of Pinterest.
FEBRUARY 22ND, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Birthday
Cacao to being one year older.
FEBRUARY 18TH, 2012
3.67 (3 votes)
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Birthday
Sorry that a lack of Internet connectivity delayed the acknowledgement and subsequent celebration of the day you were born.
FEBRUARY 13TH, 2012
5.00 (3 votes)
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Flirting
I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
3.37 (19 votes)
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Thinking of You
Your insecurity is the glue holding our dysfunctional relationship together.
JANUARY 25TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Thinking of You
Nothing makes me love you more than when you're not around.
SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Flirting
I promise that if we ever have a threesome I'll focus on your vagina the most.
SEPTEMBER 13TH, 2011
3.33 (3 votes)
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Flirting
You sleigh me.
JULY 31ST, 2011
4.20 (5 votes)
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Workplace
Being in management would be much easier if I didn't have anyone reporting to me.
JULY 20TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Birthday
I'd give you a spanking at your birthday party but I'm worried about how your orgasm would affect your family.
JULY 8TH, 2011
3.17 (6 votes)
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Flirting
Even dogs are interested in learning our favorite position.
JUNE 2ND, 2011
3.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Let's pretend we're on The Bachelor so that sleeping with other women will help me decide if I want to marry you.
MARCH 1ST, 2011
4.50 (4 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry that you were forced to return to reality.
FEBRUARY 23RD, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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New Year's
Let's resolve to support each other with a failed weight loss diet and subsequent eating binge.
JANUARY 4TH, 2011
4.67 (3 votes)
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Seasonal
Thank you for cleaning out my sack.
DECEMBER 13TH, 2010
5.00 (1 votes)
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Thanks
Thank you for risking this years crops by taking time away from Farmville to wish me a happy birthday.
NOVEMBER 25TH, 2010
0.00 (0 votes)
