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Wedding
Sometimes I miss being married to you. Then I punch myself in the face and throw money out the window, and I get my fix.
MAY 3RD, 2012
5.00 (3 votes)
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Wedding
I had money once. Now I have an exwife instead.
MAY 3RD, 2012
4.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
How do you afford to get your hair done all the time? Oh, that's right, you get child support now.
MAY 3RD, 2012
5.00 (3 votes)
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Wedding
Here's to some day taking you for everything you've got!
MAY 3RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
If you want to win the Hunger Games, let everyone else eat, and kill them while they poop. Everyone is vulnerable while pooping.
APRIL 20TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Lent
Have you considered giving up whoring for Lent?
FEBRUARY 23RD, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Lent
Here is my list of things I'm giving up for Lent.
FEBRUARY 23RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Valentine's Day
At first I was sad about being single on Valentines Day. But then I remembered that I won't get gonorrhea from my dildo.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Valentine's Day
If nobody else asks me by dinner time, I'll be happy to be your Valentine.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Valentine's Day
It's Valentines Day, ladies. Treat yourself to three fingers.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2012
4.67 (3 votes)
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Valentine's Day
Here's to another steamy Valentines Day with my vibrator.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
It's not technically prostitution if payment comes in the form of a dinner date.
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Get Well
And did you really think they would believe Megan Fox was your in case of emergency person?
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Breakup
Oh, thank goodness you answered. I was really hoping to avoid breaking up with you in person.
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Courtesy Hello
Every time I text you, I am totally on the crapper.
FEBRUARY 6TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Apology
Oh gosh, I'm sorry. Did you think that "fuck off and die" meant something other than I'd like you to fuck off and die?
JANUARY 31ST, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Breakup/Divorce
I look forward to the unfair division of assets and inevitable anguish that our divorce will surely bring.
DECEMBER 16TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Thinking of You
Nobody appreciates how handsome you are more than you do.
DECEMBER 16TH, 2011
4.67 (3 votes)
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Friendship
Swagger- you haz it.
DECEMBER 16TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Apology
I tried to see things from your persepctive, but you're just too ignorant and devoid of common sense.
DECEMBER 14TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
