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Apology
I'm sorry that Siri is more qualified to manage your life than you are.
MAY 1ST, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Movies
You're extremely loud, incredibly close, and generally boring.
APRIL 3RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Movies
You're extremely loud, incredibly close, and generally have deplorable oral hygiene.
APRIL 3RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Movies
I'm sorry your Red Carpet is a tattered, Merlot-stained throw rug.
FEBRUARY 26TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Cry for Help
Sorry Words with Friends hasn't helped with your abysmal spelling and crippling loneliness.
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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New Year's
This year, I resolve to Photoshop my way down to my goal weight.
JANUARY 3RD, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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New Year's
I think I need one more day to avoid starting my New Year's resolutions.
JANUARY 2ND, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Christmas Season
In the spirit of the Three Wise Men bringing gifts to the baby Jesus, let's pray that Santa brings you a little Class, Decorum and Self Respect.
DECEMBER 17TH, 2011
4.00 (2 votes)
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Get Well
I'm sorry rehab got in the way of you finishing your personal remake of Valley of the Dolls.
DECEMBER 7TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Here's hoping your Kindle Fire burns your asshole, causing you to get up off the sofa and do something productive.
NOVEMBER 17TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry I haven't kept up with the Kardashians.
NOVEMBER 16TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry that your relationship status will always be complic.ated.
NOVEMBER 15TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Thanksgiving
Any employee who brings Tofurky to the Thanksgiving office potluck will be fired immediately for gross misconduct.
NOVEMBER 1ST, 2011
3.00 (1 votes)
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Workplace
I'm sorry that Lindsay Lohan's community service at the morgue sounds more exciting than whatever it is you do for a living.
OCTOBER 21ST, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Graduation
That "worthless" English/Art dual major your parents complained about has certainly turned you into a talented some-e-card designer.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Friendship
I wish de-friending you in real life was as easy as it is on Facebook.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2011
4.50 (2 votes)
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Independence Day
Please don't embarrass me by bringing something with marshmellows, fruit cocktail, and green Jell-o to my barbeque.
JULY 4TH, 2011
3.50 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I'm sorry you lost the election, but you can always be mayor of some place on Foursquare.
JUNE 24TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry your real name sounds an awful lot like a drag name.
JUNE 7TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
Do you want to see my Weiner?
JUNE 6TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
