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Birthday
Sorry your birthday is the only thing you'll ever share with a filthy rich social network-founding CEO.
MAY 14TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Birthday
I may not be the first to wish you a happy birthday, but we both know I'm the only one you care about.
APRIL 10TH, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Birthday
Thank you foraccepting thatI'm too lazy orforgetful to bethe first towish you ahappy birthday.
APRIL 10TH, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Now that Facebook owns Instagram, I look forward to your slutty bar night photos having an added element of whimsy.
APRIL 9TH, 2012
3.75 (4 votes)
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Encouragement
May your life story's biopic role never be casted with Ashton Kutcher.
APRIL 2ND, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Let's completely ruin the legacy of one of our greatest innovators by casting his movie role with Ashton Kutcher.
APRIL 2ND, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Birthday
I would call this belated birthday card fashionably late, but we both know I'm a mess.
MARCH 19TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Birthday
In no way is this birthday ecard a thinly-veiled, desperate grab for attention on your Facebook wall.
FEBRUARY 17TH, 2012
4.80 (5 votes)
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Valentine's Day
The next time I hear about your fabulous Valentine's Day dinner plans, I'm going to call the restaurant and cancel your reservation.
FEBRUARY 13TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Encouragement
I'm saving myself for a world-famous supermodel that will defend my honor against the harshest of critics.
FEBRUARY 7TH, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
Every bathroom milestone you post online about your child makes me vomit in my mouth.
JANUARY 30TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Cry for Help
I need a vacation from looking through everybody's vacation pictures.
JANUARY 30TH, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Sports
Sorry the Manning everyone thought would play in the Indianapolis Super Bowl will only star in all the commercials.
JANUARY 22ND, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Birthday
Today, you deserve all the finer things in life that are within my budget.
JANUARY 3RD, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Anniversary
Tonight, you deserve all the finer things in life that are within our budget.
JANUARY 3RD, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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New Year's
Wishing you a Happy New Year now, in the likely event I get kicked out of your New Year's Eve party.
DECEMBER 22ND, 2011
4.67 (3 votes)
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Sympathy
I'm sorry Facebook isn't ready to relive the past 5 years of your life.
DECEMBER 19TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Christmas Season
There's still time to completely forget to buy anybody a gift.
DECEMBER 19TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Christmas Season
Our circle of friends is so tight, I can instantly tell who forgot to get me a gift this year.
DECEMBER 9TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Birthday
I would be more excited for your December birthday if the gifts I bought you were tax deductible.
DECEMBER 1ST, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
