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Friendship
Importing your email contacts into Facebook is a fun way to discover all the people who have defriended you over the years.
JULY 14TH, 2010
4.40 (5 votes)
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Friendship
I will always tell you when your home reeks of animal urine.
MAY 22ND, 2010
4.17 (12 votes)
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Workplace
The fact that you listed your 17 cats as personal references on your resume tells me that you will fit right in here.
MAY 16TH, 2010
4.33 (9 votes)
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Reminders
I encourage my pet's debilitating separation anxiety in order to boost my self-esteem.
MAY 16TH, 2010
4.67 (21 votes)
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Friendship
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to cross 'throwing a drink in someone's face while sobbing uncontrollably' off my bucket list.
MAY 10TH, 2010
4.60 (15 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I finally wrote another card and now I've worked myself into a frothy rage over all the shitty bugs that drove me from this site in the first place.
APRIL 10TH, 2010
4.00 (8 votes)
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Friendship
I enjoy tormenting people who care about me as a person.
APRIL 10TH, 2010
4.07 (15 votes)
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Sympathy
Sorry the officer didn't buy your argument that the tiny person who lives in your GPS navigation system counts as a designated driver.
JANUARY 6TH, 2010
3.64 (14 votes)
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Flirting
I like to think that my brand of crazy transcends classification.
DECEMBER 28TH, 2009
3.72 (25 votes)
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Confession
Mafia Wars banking calculations are severely taxing my remedial math skills.
OCTOBER 19TH, 2009
4.00 (4 votes)
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Family
Between the demands of Farmville, Cafe World, and Mafia Wars, I simply don't have time to feed and clothe my children.
OCTOBER 13TH, 2009
4.42 (19 votes)
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Family
I enjoy playing mind games with my children.
OCTOBER 5TH, 2009
5.00 (4 votes)
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Cry for Help
I need vodka to help me cope with the tragedy of being all out of vodka.
SEPTEMBER 29TH, 2009
4.57 (7 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Thank you for sharing your brilliant recycled variation of a Kanye West joke that has already been beaten into the ground.
SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2009
4.43 (7 votes)
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Sports
Sorry I had to block you during whatever the fuck sports season it is that's currently polluting my Facebook news feed.
SEPTEMBER 15TH, 2009
3.91 (11 votes)
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Wedding
Thank you for drifting apart in time for me to justify not inviting you to my costly wedding.
SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2009
4.15 (13 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I don't need the Facebook fan check application since I monitor the activity of my friends from the comfort of their closets.
SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2009
4.08 (13 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I bet the 18 years in captivity were worth the thrill of being released just in time to watch the season premiere of Glee.
SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2009
3.70 (10 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I bet Jaycee Dugard and her family had a good laugh when the neighbors congratulated her on her 19th pregnancy.
SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2009
3.86 (7 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Now that liposuction fat can be turned into stem cells, I'm just going to keep eating until my obesity cures my obesity-induced diabetes.
SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2009
4.25 (16 votes)
