Sorry for disappearing off the face of the Earth.
You should try dieting for two.
I'm sending you this ecard in lieu of saying something that would get me fired.
The only red-hued objects I'll be receiving on Valentine's Day are Netflix envelopes.
Congratulations on crossing the threshold into full "Cat Person" status.
Our national recession became a full-blown crisis when it interfered with my "House" viewing.
I'm hoping Valentine's Day doesn't remind you how fucking ridiculous it is that you love me.
I'm craving some hate-sex, so please do something to piss me off.
Sunday evenings I'm reminded my weekends are just as lame as my weekdays.
You remind me of my charmingly senile grandfather, only you're not charming.
Sorry your company's downsizing was limited to you.
Even my penis is dripping with sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure Cupid fucked up with us, but I appreciate the mistake.
Sorry your employer is whoring you out for Valentine's Day.
You make me forget what a soulless, manufactured holiday Valentine's Day really is.
You make Valentine's Day feel like Christmas.
