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Birthday
I could have gotten you a beautiful present instead of this ecard, but you deserve only the best.
MAY 10TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
I'd be anorexic if I only had the willpower to starve myself.
JANUARY 3RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
Sometimes, late at night, when no one's looking, I like to put on my prettiest dress and pretend like I want to live .
JANUARY 2ND, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Weekend
Sorry I can't make it to your party. I have to stay home that night and kill myself.
NOVEMBER 22ND, 2011
3.00 (1 votes)
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Birthday
Your birthday is a sobering reminder that you were born.
OCTOBER 2ND, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
Rest assured, what's left of my shriveled black heart still beats for you.
SEPTEMBER 6TH, 2011
4.50 (2 votes)
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Encouragement
I love meeting your friends and judging them.
MAY 7TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Reminders
One nice thing about living alone is that I can make a protein shake in the blender any time of the night I goddamn please.
MAY 7TH, 2011
4.00 (2 votes)
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Mother's Day
This Mother's Day, remember that your mother gave you life, and that's a debt she can never repay.
MAY 5TH, 2011
4.00 (1 votes)
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Encouragement
Who needs sleep when you have food and your own debilitating lack of self-worth?
APRIL 18TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Courtesy Hello
Who has time to be social? I can barely fit in all my fucking off as it is.
APRIL 18TH, 2011
4.00 (2 votes)
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Other Holidays
I will do my part in alerting you to Sexual Assault Awareness Month by sexually assaulting you.
APRIL 17TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Confession
I made sure to get up early today to get in a few extra hours of wasting my life.
MARCH 29TH, 2011
4.67 (15 votes)
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Flirting
I don't want to wear your skin, I just want to have it with me at all times.
MARCH 29TH, 2011
2.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I don't mean to brag, but I've been doing a lot of binge eating.
MARCH 29TH, 2011
3.67 (3 votes)
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Flirting
If you love disappointment, you'll love dating me!
FEBRUARY 24TH, 2011
3.00 (2 votes)
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Thanks
I really enjoyed our marathon lovemaking/trying not to fart session last night.
FEBRUARY 20TH, 2011
4.00 (1 votes)
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Birthday
I didn't forget your birthday, I just have no fucking clue what day or month it is.
FEBRUARY 11TH, 2011
4.86 (7 votes)
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Confession
If I had a dollar for every time I utterly failed to exhibit any self-control, I'd be broke, cause I wouldn't be able to stop myself from splurging.
JANUARY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Encouragement
It may be true that I hate you, but at least I also pity you.
JANUARY 13TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)