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Because I'm Jewish, I grow tiny Christmas trees so none of my relatives see them.
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The Hoasis is calling you! Take a number!
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I'm not really Santa, but you can sit on my lap.
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Do not ever doubt my ability to find shit out.
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"Mommy, why is Santa putting that in your mouth"? Merry Christmas, may all your holiday dreams come true.
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What the fuck do you want?
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Item 45. Your wife's panties... My dad wrote that....
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This fucker knows I don't exist right?
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I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUSE.
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2011 called. They want their Christmas lights back.
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I can't believe mom is cheating on dad with Santa.
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Gee, I hope our Star Wars defensive shield doesn't shoot down Santa.
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Dear Santa, are you fucking kidding me, Two presents and a sack lunch.... seriously?
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This is what happens when you lie to your kids and drink too much eggnog...
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Keep up that shit attitude, and I won't let your parents out of those boxes I buried last night!
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Santa is a figment of your imagination, much like your Father.
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You can move a Wisconsinite to San Diego, but you can never take away her fear of winter.
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Dear Santa, Please don't screw this up. If it doesn't fit in my wallet or liquor cabinet then I don't want it.
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When I said "No gifts this year", I really meant "There had better be a ring hidden in the damn Christmas tree".
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Hey Santa! How come you are wearing an orange jumpsuit, and who is D.O.C.?!