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MLK Day
Remember to choose your obligatory MLK Facebook quote from something MLK actually said.
JANUARY 16TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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MLK Day
If your Facebook status is anything but a MLK quote on MLK day I'm going to go ahead and assume you're a racist.
JANUARY 16TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Music
Katy Perry may not be as cool as John Lennon but plenty of peole still want to shoot her.
DECEMBER 8TH, 2011
3.00 (3 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Why couldn't God have taken Brook Lundy instead?
OCTOBER 5TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I will always feel safe as a passenger in your car until you kill me with your shitty driving.
OCTOBER 3RD, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Confession
I can't hear you complain about gaining weight over the sound of pork rinds crunching in your mouth.
SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2011
3.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Watching coverage of people dying on 9/11 for the past 10 years makes me wish I had died on 9/11.
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2011
2.75 (4 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I hope the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 reminds you that even God forgets to turn off the iron when he goes on vacation.
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2011
4.00 (4 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I wish someone would fly a plane into my workplace.
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2011
4.33 (15 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I hope there's an Applebee's at the 9/11 memorial because nothing says "Never Forget" like a Crispy Orange Chicken Bowl.
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2011
4.56 (9 votes)
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Confession
Your bed head gives me the chance to role play I'm fucking a serial killer.
SEPTEMBER 2ND, 2011
4.20 (5 votes)
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Confession
The time I spend posting drunk pics of me on Facebook is directly related to the time I spend deleting drunk pics of me on Facebook.
AUGUST 19TH, 2011
3.80 (4 votes)
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Confession
I'm not a hoarder but I refuse to get rid of the bed I was molested in as a kid.
AUGUST 19TH, 2011
4.00 (4 votes)
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Workplace
When I tell people I need to lose 10 lbs it really just means I'm about to go take my morning shit.
JULY 18TH, 2011
4.50 (2 votes)
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Confession
All my panties are period panties.
MAY 20TH, 2011
4.87 (15 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
It's a wonderful feeling to know my vagina has the power to bring the U.S. government to its knees.
APRIL 8TH, 2011
3.67 (3 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
If radiation spreads to the U.S., may you find comfort in knowing you lost all your hair and teeth way before it was popular.
MARCH 18TH, 2011
4.91 (11 votes)
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Seasonal
Let's Spring Break somewhere where stingray deaths are on the decline.
FEBRUARY 21ST, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Valentine's Day
Let's use this one day of the year to rekindle our romance so we can live the rest of the year without romance.
FEBRUARY 9TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
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Valentine's Day
I hope the cobwebs on your vagina don't prevent you from having a special Valentine's Day.
FEBRUARY 8TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
