Your new facebook profile picture made me reevaluate our relationship.
I am uncomfortable with the way your boobs have been staring at my eyes
If beating off to your mom's photo is wrong, I don't want to be right
Remind me to simulate vomiting whenever you touch me.
Dont you hate it when you fart and accidently shit your pants!
I like where your thumb always ends up when you do me doggy style
Just so you're aware, I'm pretty much the most humble person on the face of this planet.
I thought I should tell you that when I said I was a "model," I meant for articles about obesity.
The drinking will continue long after Labor Day has ended.
"T" is for testosterone: of which my body produces none.
I'll find elves baking cookies in a tree before I ever find your G spot.
I fantasize about grocery shopping with you.
Talking to you is what I'd imagine marinating in a giant tub of stupid feels like
Dear God, Let me stick it in her pooper.
I can't kiss your butt and blow smoke up your ass at the same time.
It's alright if you can't get those tickets, as long as you're ok with never speaking to me again.
I've got mad earwax and I hate myself for it.
