I don't swear Jackass! I use sentence enhancers I'm a fuckin' lady!
I would slap you, but I don't want to get any slut on my hands.
I am fluent in sarcasm and movie quotes.
Fucks don't grow on trees, and I have none left to give.
Saturday morning is a myth... I'll believe it when I see it.
Newsflash!!! This just in... Idiots. They're all over the interenet. More details at 11pm.
Biting my glasses definitely makes me look sexier than wearing them...
They see me rollin, they faintin.
No, you aren't breaking up... I just don't want to talk to you right now.
I survive off of crushing your very soul...
I work for Sealab now... Because bitches love guys in scuba gear...
If a woman is bad at parking, it's only because she's constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
Look what I discovered, and it's cheaper than my therapist was!
I'd rather dip my balls in a tub of acid than move another piece of your furniture.
I went to the gym and forgot to post it on Facebook.
When it comes right down to it, cock is cock and I just like getting fucked.
![[UPDATED] 23 Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e07b1762a1ac_m4e08b71540124.png)
