Editors' Picks User Cardsshowing 1 - 20 of 1,014
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  • Flirting

    I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.

    I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.

    andygoose10 hours ago
    4.50 (2 votes)

  • Apology

    Sorry you confused 'playing hard to get' with my genuine disinterest.

    Sorry you confused "playing hard to get" with my genuine disinterest.

    writecopy02/25/2010
    5.00 (7 votes)

  • Apology

    I'm confident that my gluttonous Super Bowl feast will put an end to your ridiculous New Year's Resolution to lose weight.

    I'm confident that my gluttonous Super Bowl feast will put an end to your ridiculous New Year's Resolution to lose weight.

    underachievingdg02/03/2012
    4.67 (3 votes)

  • Workplace

    The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

    The next best thing to quitting my job is fantasizing about quitting my job.

    savannahdaras02/02/2012
    3.67 (2 votes)

  • Somewhat Topical

    Thank you for cutting off funding to cancer screening programs in order to prove that you are pro-life.

    Thank you for cutting off funding to cancer screening programs in order to prove that you are pro-life.

    Carmen552702/01/2012
    4.40 (42 votes)

  • Apology

    Sorry for participating in an extremely oversaturated Internet meme.

    Sorry for participating in an extremely oversaturated Internet meme.

    Jockular01/31/2012
    4.60 (5 votes)

  • Confession

    I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless your mother is a drunk whore too.

    I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless your mother is a drunk whore too.

    sdman01/27/2012
    4.76 (21 votes)

  • Cry for Help

    I hope I get a big enough tax return to support the drinking habit I've formed from filing taxes.

    I hope I get a big enough tax return to support the drinking habit I've formed from filing taxes.

    gidget gal01/30/2012
    5.00 (3 votes)

  • Super Bowl Sunday

    Sorry your Superbowl party had Pro Bowl-like attendance.

    Sorry your Superbowl party had Pro Bowl-like attendance.

    acaladoobie02/02/2009
    4.67 (12 votes)

  • Confession

    The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you.

    The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you.

    floydish01/22/2012
    4.69 (13 votes)

  • Workplace

    It makes me uncomfortable to see you pretend not to watch over me while I pretend to work.

    It makes me uncomfortable to see you pretend not to watch over me while I pretend to work.

    aldahl01/24/2012
    4.60 (5 votes)

  • Thinking of You

    I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

    I love every part of you which can make me orgasm.

    stella601/23/2012
    4.78 (9 votes)

  • Confession

    If they ever made a movie about my life it would go straight to DVD.

    If they ever made a movie about my life it would go straight to DVD.

    some person01/23/2012
    4.50 (4 votes)

  • Congratulations

    Let's celebrate that you're out of the doghouse in hopes that the celebration doesn't get you back into the doghouse.

    Let's celebrate that you're out of the doghouse in hopes that the celebration doesn't get you back into the doghouse.

    kerioldham01/23/2012
    4.50 (4 votes)

  • Sports

    I promise my Super Bowl party will be more fun than the Harbaugh's.

    I promise my Super Bowl party will be more fun than the Harbaugh's.

    Jockular01/23/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)

  • Thinking of You

    There's nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life trying to change into someone else than you.

    There's nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life trying to change into someone else than you.

    Bottomofthebarrel01/19/2012
    5.00 (6 votes)

  • Flirting

    You would be my first choice if there were no other choices.

    You would be my first choice if there were no other choices.

    jessaltzm01/19/2012
    5.00 (6 votes)

  • Cry for Help

    When I die, I hope I'll be doing nothing, so people could say that at least I died doing what I love.

    When I die, I hope I'll be doing nothing, so people could say that at least I died doing what I love.

    Kostas101/19/2012
    4.73 (15 votes)

  • Birthday

    This birthday greeting has been brought to you by my fake sense of obligation and fear of being shunned by the rest of the office.

    This birthday greeting has been brought to you by my fake sense of obligation and fear of being shunned by the rest of the office.

    timpysan01/19/2012
    4.33 (6 votes)

  • Flirting

    There is no one else I would rather have a pregnancy scare with.

    There is no one else I would rather have a pregnancy scare with.

    NydiaCanton01/17/2012
    4.65 (23 votes)

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