Editors' Picks User Cardsshowing 61 - 80 of 1,874
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  • Valentine's Day

    For Valentine's Day, I pledge to only ignore a quarter of what you say.

    For Valentine's Day, I pledge to only ignore a quarter of what you say.

    soco91402/12/2014
    3.25 (4 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    I'd stalk you even if it wasn't so convenient.

    I'd stalk you even if it wasn't so convenient.

    username22802/11/2014
    2.67 (6 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    Sorry my period ruined whatever disgusting things you had planned for Valentine's Day.

    Sorry my period ruined whatever disgusting things you had planned for Valentine's Day.

    Traci186024202/14/2013
    4.33 (6 votes)
  • Breakup

    I can't stand the thought of you being emotionally unavailable with someone else.

    I can't stand the thought of you being emotionally unavailable with someone else.

    havinganepisode02/11/2014
    2.67 (3 votes)
  • Flirting

    Not listening to a single word you've said makes it impossible for you to run out of things to say to me.

    Not listening to a single word you've said makes it impossible for you to run out of things to say to me.

    username22802/11/2014
    1.00 (1 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    Happy Valentine's Day to someone I'm happy to get flowers for due to reasons other than illness or death.

    Happy Valentine's Day to someone I'm happy to get flowers for due to reasons other than illness or death.

    Todd162082101/25/2014
    2.50 (2 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    I love you more than serial killers love nondescript vans.

    I love you more than serial killers love nondescript vans.

    Bottomofthebarrel06/15/2011
    3.83 (6 votes)
  • Birthday

    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

    May you live to be so old that the handicapped stall becomes a necessity and not just a spacious place to poop.

    jezebellrae01/03/2013
    3.67 (3 votes)
  • Workplace

    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

    jezebellrae02/21/2013
    3.50 (4 votes)
  • Get Well

    I hope you get well soon with plenty of rest and whining on Facebook.

    I hope you get well soon with plenty of rest and whining on Facebook.

    jezebellrae01/29/2014
    3.67 (3 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

    I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex.

    HybridPaul02/10/2014
    4.00 (5 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    I hope you score more impressively than Ashley Wagner this Valentine's Day.

    I hope you score more impressively than Ashley Wagner this Valentine's Day.

    jezebellrae02/10/2014
    1.00 (1 votes)
  • Confession

    Your 1:02 minute Facebook movie was one minute too long to hold my attention.

    Your 1:02 minute Facebook movie was one minute too long to hold my attention.

    Greg930002/05/2014
    3.88 (8 votes)
  • Friendship

    Thanks for being my emergency contact for as long as I am hopelessly single.

    Thanks for being my emergency contact for as long as I am hopelessly single.

    Allie8317702/06/2014
    3.00 (2 votes)
  • Confession

    I don't even want to watch my own Facebook movie.

    I don't even want to watch my own Facebook movie.

    taract02/05/2014
    4.12 (8 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    Your love is as indisposable to me as toilet paper in Sochi.

    Your love is as indisposable to me as toilet paper in Sochi.

    jezebellrae02/05/2014
    3.50 (4 votes)
  • Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who won't show up in anyone's newsfeeds because you were born on February 29th.

    Happy birthday to someone who won't show up in anyone's newsfeeds because you were born on February 29th.

    christianajwilliams02/28/2013
    3.33 (3 votes)
  • Birthday

    I hope you get as much action on your birthday as your Facebook page does.

    I hope you get as much action on your birthday as your Facebook page does.

    achtung01/11/2011
    4.00 (4 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    I wish someone loved me enough to buy me a crappy Valentine's Day gift that proved they don't know me at all.

    I wish someone loved me enough to buy me a crappy Valentine's Day gift that proved they don't know me at all.

    achtung02/14/2012
    3.50 (4 votes)
  • Cry for Help

    I get a runner's high on the way to the fridge.

    I get a runner's high on the way to the fridge.

    achtung06/20/2012
    3.67 (3 votes)

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