Sorry to hear that your Facebook stock is now as worthless as your Facebook posts.
Sometimes my poor life decisions look like fantastic drinking opportunities.
The best thing about you and me is me.
If I had known you were coming over, I would have left the house.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
We'll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I'm sorry that your January birthday means you were probably conceived on April Fools Day.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.
I love you so much, I will even talk to you on the phone.
Thanks for calling to tell me that you just sent me an e-mail.
I hope you receive the same attention as you demanded on the day of your birth.
I may have over-trusted that fart.
Ann Romney has never worked harder at anything than trying to convince people she worked hard.
I don't want to ruin what we have by actually being involved with you in any capacity.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
Bitching about other people not working really makes the day fly by.
![[UPDATED] 23 Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e07b1762a1ac_m4e08b71540124.png)
