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My entire goal in life is to show my friends who are not single how awesome being single is.
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While I was running today I heard someone clapping, it was just my thighs cheering me on.
abyley05/05/2012 4 sends
4.50 (2 votes) -
If I had your penis I'd think with it, too.
bsking01/02/2009 4 sends
4.39 (76 votes) -
I work out because I know I would've been the first to die in the Hunger Games.
airish02/09/2012 3 sends
4.76 (17 votes) -
Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes things happen because you're stupid and make bad decisions.
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Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
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Making another mistake in his financial planning by emptying out his 401k just to buy Facebook stock...
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Dear Lord, please let me remember to say "And with Your Spirit" at mass.
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You always cease to amaze me.
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On the bright side, you could still get your book published before DJ Pauly D, Ronnie, Vinny, Sammi, or J-Woww!
jstobie01/07/2011 1 sends
2.82 (11 votes) -
Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
Kostas101/21/2011 1 sends
4.66 (29 votes) -
You have all the makings of a completely forgettable player involved in a blockbuster trade.
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Happy Thursday! You're only one day away from being two days away from doing the same work you're doing right now!
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I knew I'd amount to nothing someday.
bandrade04/12/2011 1 sends
4.93 (15 votes) -
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are supposed to be doing something else.
tommcd0905/03/2011 1 sends
4.76 (50 votes) -
I have faith that your future won't include being a crazy cat lady, only because I know you're more of a dog person.
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Don't let rejection get you down. Being attractive is a complex job anyway, trust me.
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May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
esjay08/20/2011 1 sends
4.70 (37 votes) -
You are one stack of shit away from an episode of hoarders.
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If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.
kitten9609/06/2011 1 sends
5.00 (4 votes)