Daddy says that if I give you this and pretend you are my real mom, I'll get a pony!
Listen son, either you make me a grandfather, or I'll do it myself.
I think it's cute that Mom and Dad pray before they eat dinner.
We like to think you'd want your children to be exactly like us.
Mom! Will you PLEASE stop stalking me on Facebook?!
Are you sure we're not lost? You could ask for directions.
This is the kind of thing that your dad thought was cool.
Since they say family is the most important thing,let's keep pretending that we like each other.
The reason Daddy doesn't live here any more is because of our staggering indifference.
She's not heavy She's my brother ( 20 years later )
Talking to my father is a tedious repetition that I somehow endure.
Don't cry. I actually love you way more because you're the fatter, uglier, stupider, meaner sister.
The BEST part of going back to school is Suppository Time
Family bath time is as creepy as it sounds.
You'll always be an utter disappointment in my mind but keep up the good work sweetheart.
I dont call just anyone my BFC.
