Family User Cardsshowing 1 - 20 of 4,110
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  • I love the sound of unconscious children.

    I love the sound of unconscious children.

    maren02/26/2009
    2 sends
    4.59 (107 votes)
  • Let's go do something we can complain our future children never do anymore.

    Let's go do something we can complain our future children never do anymore.

    nei nei10/08/2008
    1 sends
    3.37 (38 votes)
  • Sorry I received a disproportionate share of our parents' affection.

    Sorry I received a disproportionate share of our parents' affection.

    bsking01/04/2009
    1 sends
    4.43 (53 votes)
  • Having kids reminded me why I didn't want to have kids.

    Having kids reminded me why I didn't want to have kids.

    dwgreen10/21/2010
    1 sends
    4.56 (9 votes)
  • Mom, it takes zero effort to love you and a fifth of vodka to tolerate you.

    Mom, it takes zero effort to love you and a fifth of vodka to tolerate you.

    Carlyn311/10/2010
    1 sends
    4.60 (30 votes)
  • If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.

    If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.

    jkrakosky12/13/2010
    1 sends
    4.50 (4 votes)
  • Sorry DADT still applies in your household.

    Sorry DADT still applies in your household.

    bendralle12/24/2010
    1 sends
    4.75 (8 votes)
  • The NFL lockout is inspiring me to follow my dream of finding new ways to avoid spending time with my family.

    The NFL lockout is inspiring me to follow my dream of finding new ways to avoid spending time with my family.

    someecards91304/01/2011
    1 sends
    3.50 (4 votes)
  • You're the man I want our children to spend their weekends with.

    You're the man I want our children to spend their weekends with.

    Tiffany19895107/08/2011
    1 sends
    4.75 (28 votes)
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

    A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

    erraticblonde01/12/2012
    1 sends
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Why do they want dinner every single night?

    Why do they want dinner every single night?

    lovelibella02/21/2012
    1 sends
    5.00 (4 votes)
  • Dear Mother-In-Law, I don't need you to teach me how to handle my children. I live with one of yours, and he needs a lot of improvement!

    Dear Mother-In-Law, I don't need you to teach me how to handle my children. I live with one of yours, and he needs a lot of improvement!

    RAYFAMILY1102/24/2012
    1 sends
    4.20 (5 votes)
  • When a woman says 'what?' it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

    When a woman says "what?" it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

    kfrog03/12/2012
    1 sends
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • If you would just listen and do something the first time I asked, Mommy wouldn't have to lose her shit.

    If you would just listen and do something the first time I asked, Mommy wouldn't have to lose her shit.

    cmh740603/14/2012
    1 sends
    4.71 (7 votes)
  • Let's drive Mom bat-shit crazy. That way, she'll let us watch TV just to get a moment's peace.

    Let's drive Mom bat-shit crazy. That way, she'll let us watch TV just to get a moment's peace.

    Recovering Supermom03/27/2012
    1 sends
    5.00 (4 votes)
  • Here in the South, we don't hide crazy We parade it on the front porch and give it a cocktail.

    Here in the South, we don't hide crazy We parade it on the front porch and give it a cocktail.

    Candice127955605/09/2012
    1 sends
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • My wife came in complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did, the middle one.

    My wife came in complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did, the middle one.

    trev198105/13/2012
    1 sends
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Cinderella got married, had babies, went right back to cooking and cleaning all day and never went to another ball again. The End.

    Cinderella got married, had babies, went right back to cooking and cleaning all day and never went to another ball again. The End.

    BadParentingMoments05/16/2012
    1 sends
    4.00 (1 votes)
  • Thanks for the 30 minute conversation about the 15 minute traffic delay.

    Thanks for the 30 minute conversation about the 15 minute traffic delay.

    Michele892205/16/2012
    1 sends
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Let's go to the titty bar.

    Let's go to the titty bar.

    Kina7805/17/2012
    1 sends
    0.00 (0 votes)

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