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Sympathy
When I called you a huge dickhead, it wasn't a compliment. It was the fact that your personality resembles that of a small shrunken penis on the end of a stick.
MAY 23RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Sports
If by working out and cleaning house, you mean sitting on my ass, eating croissants, watching TV, then yes- I'll go work out.
MAY 23RD, 2012
4.00 (2 votes)
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Thanks
Thanks for only commenting on my Facebook page when you disagree with me or want to correct something I've said. Thanks.
MAY 15TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
Thank you for being such a good friend and talking me out of going to yoga so I could go to brunch with you.
MAY 11TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Courtesy Hello
Welcome to my page. If there's anything you see that you don't like, just close your eyes and move along. I will not tolerate Fun Ruiners. Thanks.
MAY 7TH, 2012
1.00 (1 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry my addiction to helping feed 3rd world kids in WeTopia caused me to forget to feed my real children.
APRIL 15TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Lunch/Dinner
Seeing bugs in my organic produce assures me of their authentic organicness; said no one ever.
APRIL 5TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Apology
Oh did I say that out loud? I thought I was using my inside my mind voice.
APRIL 5TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Movies
It's sad that your children have no skills that would keep them alive in the arena of the Hunger Games.
MARCH 23RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Sports
Congrats to the Saints, for putting 'sweep the leg' in their playbook, just like the mean coach in the Karate Kid.
MARCH 21ST, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
If you were Katniss and I was Peeta, I would totally have let the wasps kill you.
MARCH 20TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
In honor of the Hunger Games, I will teach my children what it's like to find and hunt their own food.
MARCH 20TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Let's commemorate the end of Nat'l Hunger Action Week by watching hungry teens fight to the death in a post-apocalyptic society.
MARCH 20TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Birthday
I wish you were on Facebook like my other friends. This way on your birthday, I can just post on your wall and not have to actually call you.
MARCH 14TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Hurray, hurray, it's International Women's Day. Let's celebrate by me being on top.
MARCH 8TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Darling- Let's celebrate International Women's Day today by me bringing home dinner.
MARCH 8TH, 2012
3.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Asshats- line up here behind Mr. Limbaugh.
MARCH 2ND, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I'm a crusty, old, drug-addict, and I'm an expert on uteruses and ovaries. I have a PhD in asshattery. ~Dr. Douche Limbaugh.
MARCH 2ND, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
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Congratulations
In honor of the movie The Help probably winning an Oscar, I baked you this pie. And by pie, I mean, pile of pooh.
FEBRUARY 24TH, 2012
2.00 (2 votes)
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Encouragement
Darling, it was the best 30 seconds, ever. Really.
FEBRUARY 24TH, 2012
4.00 (1 votes)
